I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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