Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
