if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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