You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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