Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
