yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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