The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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