I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just want to make out with him forever
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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