At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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