is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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