Sponge bath it is.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i need some magic done to my vagina
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize