i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
soo... how was my night?
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