Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
