loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
