Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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