whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
