He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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