I intend to get homeless drunk
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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