It's Friday. Sex?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
