I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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