He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Randomize
