considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
