Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
