whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
