oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize