He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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