The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
