With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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