So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I skipped work to stalk him.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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