I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
