I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
