My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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