so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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