we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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