dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
