this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
