at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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