There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
