wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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