Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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