so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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