i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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