I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
