literally had 100 drinks last night.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
