as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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