oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
