Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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