guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
