i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's blow job season.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
