i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
