My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
