So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
