My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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