In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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