wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
