I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
