Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
