a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize