Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize