if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
