yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My bed smells like the plague
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
