i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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