Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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