You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
