I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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