cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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