too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize