I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
