i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize