you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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