insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
